You are alive. So live.

You all are going to think I'm crazy.
I was sitting watching the new reality show about directing and I commented to my mother about how if I could have any job in the entire world, I would pick working on movies, not even caring about how I was involved, to just be involved in movies. And my mother then mother pointed out that it's not like I'm too old to start working on that dream now. It was an odd realization that I honestly could honestly do what ever I wanted.
So...I'm going to try. What I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it is still a mystery. But I don't really care. I'm still going to follow my original plan of finding a job and working toward a career in museums, cause I still want to try to work in museums. I think. I'm just going to add volunteering at the Creative Alliance in Baltimore and maybe take some classes in editing or something else along the lines of film making. I really have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. Which apparently very common among recent college graduates. The minority are the people with the plan and the goal that they end up sticking too. Really I just have two goals that I'm working towards now. We'll see where I end up.

Every beginning is weak

So its been a little under a week since the Class of 2007 left the campus of St. Mary's College. And what have I done in that time?

Jack.

I spent the last few days down at the beach, hanging out, reading Pride and Prejudice, and watching movies. OK, I also up dated my resume. But that is a moot point, as my computer then ate my resume and has yet to spit it up. So it's convenient that my mother has scheduled rest of May for me and I have no time to actually go look for a job.
Tomorrow is my sister's last Gym Meet. For those who have never met anyone from Maryvale, Gym Meet is when every grade level gets together and march in patterns and shout songs that have lyrics changed to match the theme picked by the class. One theme was the Cicada's, the year of the Bug or two years ago. I have no idea what my sister's is the year. But I'm sure it is going to be playing up the fact that they are the class of 007. Or maybe just the '07. But it should be fun.
That's all for now. Hopefully I will soon have more going on. If not, I may just have to start posting my opinions. The horror.

How much are you going to get for a used Leviathan?

Well, I managed to survive College, and the graduation ceremony. I only fell twice during the whole day. Once right before the ceremony and at lunch. Yeah, I'm Graceful.
I also managed to pack and move out in two hours. I was convinced that I was going to be late in checking out, but I checked out with 15 minuets to spare.
I funny thing happened on the way out the door. Janice and I have had a can of beer since freshman year. Janice found it in the bench at Monty during the Natty Boh Hunt, or rather, a couple of days after it. We didn't drink at that time and decided to just keep it. So during Check out I realized it was still sitting on top of the refrigerator, where it had been all year. I forget how it came up, but the RA checking me out asked about it, I told him, its story and that i was throwing it away. So he said he'd take it. The Can of Natty Boh is now in the hands of some random RA who said that he'd pass it on. Even if he doesn't really, I'll tell people he did. It's a good story.
Tomorrow I'm off to hang out with my brother at the beach, and from there continue my job search.

It's the end of the world as we know it...

When I really don't want to do anything, I'll pretty much do anything else. Right now, I don't want to pack or go to sleep. It means that Not only will i have to wake up in the morning, but i will also have to graduate. And leave my friends and the family that I have here.
I have never felt so strongly this feeling like there is nothing out there. I remember being daunting in freshman year that i was finally in college. And that after this i would have no idea where i was going. At the time I put off worrying about it until after college. Well, here it is. and while i have a much sturdier idea of where i want to end up and how to get there, that doesn't mean that i have any fucking clue where i am going. And I don't have any more time left to consider my options.
Well, in seven hours, I graduate from college. I don't have a stellar academic record. But I'm graduating none the less. I haven't broken down in tears yet. I don't expect that i will break down tomorrow, Unless something big happens. And graduating doesn't count.
I'm graduating tomorrow.
No, I'm graduating today.
I don't think i realize what that means. Only today i was thinking, I want to do something or other on campus, but i can't. I'll do it tomorrow or later. But there is no tomorrow or later. This is it. I will never sleep on this campus as a student, with my own room and stuff camped out. I no longer have a claim on a room or a seat in a classroom or anything else here. I rememeber havening a feeling in freshman year that i had chosen badly and should not have come here. But that didn't last long. I remember Ranwa and Karina really wanted to transfer. But they didn't. I know I'm rambling, but it's 3 am, I'm leaving college forever today, So it's allowed.
Most of my stuff is gone now.

Things to do before Graduation

Academic
-Finish Web Page
-Post about cultural events
-Edit Analysis paper
-Take Analysis Exam
-Go to Self Defense meeting

Personal
~Get everyones' email/personal info
~Steal Janice's yearbook Idea
~Apply for jobs (I know, I know, don't lecture me, I'm worrying enough)
~Go Frisbee golfing AT LEAST ONCE!
~Go sailing once more

I think that's it. I'm really hoping it is.

Confucius Says, Shit happens.

Well I have one week left of college. No, really. Next Thursday I'm finished. Done. That's all she wrote.
And I am screwed.
I'm procrastinating on working on my SMP as we speak. Or as I write. Whatever.
Life goes on.
I do have one thing on the forefront of my mind, but I don't think I'm going to talk about it here. Its been done to death and no one needs my two cents.
...on the other hand... I can't decide if over saturation of information helps or hinders. But enough of that.
I have a brilliant idea for a website, of coarse with help from the other members of my digital art class. It is virtual monopoly for Ocean City. I am ever so excited.

Momma Always said Life is like a Box of Chocolates...

...you Never know What you're going to get.

I've been thinking a lot lately.
I've been thinking about graduating and how I'm going to miss people. And How I'm surprised to find i realize I won't miss others.
But what has really caught my attention as of late is how there is such amazing amounts of pain in the world. And I really want to make it all go away. Not away from my sight, really and truly gone, never to come back. I know people need pain and suffering to become better people or some bullshit like that. But There is WAY too much in this world. I read a blog written by a woman in Iraq. Recently she wrote about how women are being raped in Iraq by the police force we are supposed to be training to make the country safer. And the government we propped up there is trying to cover it up and hide it. I don't know what to do. People who are more realistic (read: Pessimistic) than me would say there is nothing one tiny little person can do in this huge mess. I disagree. There are hundreds of stories of people who single handily made a difference.
Unfortunately for me, I am most definitely one of those people. Doesn't mean I can't try. But I see so much Pain and such a huge mess every where I Look. I see friends who are in pain and I see behind them the whole planet is on fire. I don't know where to start.
But tonight i was thinking about a couple of friends, and some of the shit that is going on. And I was thinking how some writer was describing writing as a slow process. Every little bit counts. I wish I could remember who it was but she was describing her brother writing a paper on birds and how her father said he just had to do it bird by bird. He was complain about how it was such a monumental task and he didn't know where to start. He just had to go bird by bird. That got me to think why not apply that to much larger problems. Start small. I can't fix Iraq or any one today. But I can hold my friends in my arms when they need me to. I can start here, now, in every little way I can think. I won't make the whole world a better place. I'm not that naive. I can't stop a country from being raped by my home country, let alone a single person far away. But that doesn't mean that I don't care, or that I don't want to do something about it. I'll just have to start small. Work my way up.
Work Bird by Bird.